July 2011

So You Want to Invade Planet Earth: A Guide

Greetings, sapient lifeform. If you have purchased this DVD it means that you are interested in invading that lush, blue planet in the Sol system known as Earth. This is a noble ambition and it can be a great way to get some exercise, but there are many dos and don'ts in the fine art of Earth invasion. You wouldn't be the first creature to attempt it and unless you pay heed to this handy guide, you won't be the last. Before you hop into your Class IV or above attack saucer and head for that famous rock in the void, make sure you commit these tips to memory.

Night Driving on Mars: Before and After Girls

In Glacier Foot Station at the northernmost bend of the MN-1, there's this light therapy module. Folks that far from the equator don't get much sun and even then it's filtered through the protective glass of an atmosphere helm or a clear walkway. The sun's so damn dim here, too. To keep the skin healthy and the mood elevated, a lot of colonists go into the light therapy booths to get a dose of artificial sunshine. Outside the therapy module there are these two, big posters. The one on the left is of this washed-out looking woman with tired, droopy eyes and it says "Before" on the bottom. The one on the right is the same woman but looking pretty hale. Along the top it says "After". But in the middle... in the middle there's just a white wall crusted with ice flakes.