Core Control is sorry to disturb you during your routine hygienic elimination, excess body hair removal and personal sterilization period, Employee Resident #6850-D. It is not our habit to interrupt our Employee Residents during these very important and mandatory activities, but that protocol is superseded by Emergency Directive XT3C: Announcements pertaining to official upcoming disaster events. In but a few cycles' time, a raiding party of genetic anomaloids from the failed boson de-massing experiments of the former Epsilon Sector Orbital Labs will descend upon Zecron Sector in response to their annual sucrose deficiency state. These "sugar mutants", as they have been dubbed by planetary civilians, are highly dangerous and it is the official position of the Federation of Alpha Centauri Satellites and Fusion Stations to interact with them as little as possible. Please follow these behavioral guidelines upon the arrival of the sugar mutants.
Next door to the St. Rose of Lima church and school in Rockaway Beach, New York Province, RNE is a building designed by famed architect Alfonzo Jao to look like a silver galleon. It was erected just a year after the Transition and today is widely regarded as the single ugliest building in the entire nation. It is still the butt of many jokes on nightly talk shows and there is even a tradition in the Republic of New England to eat specialty cakes shaped like it on Sovereignty Day, the RNE's day of independence. The latter is because, in addition to being a public eyesore, it is the seat of the Citizen Army, the single most pervasive aspect of civic life in the republic. We visited the CAHQ as a matter of protocol for the rest of the journey. The crew and I needed to get temporary I-Bar tattoos, routine physicals and bureaucratic approval to embed with a CitArm detachment in rural Connecticut.
Look, folks, we're really sorry. We didn't know they were even gonna be in town, let alone drop by the office. We know things didn't quite end well between each pair of you and you know that if we had our choice, we'd always side with you. It's just... well... the boss said we had to let them read the horoscopes. We know it's not ideal and this is probably going to be really uncomfortable, but we'll, like, buy you a beer later or something. Again, sorry.