September 2010

Lies In America: Part 1- Delegation

Read the entire America Wakes serial

It was May by the time we were ready to head back to the former United States to continue our research into the so-called Transition, the political event that marked the dissolve of that country's federal government and the creation of several distinct countries in its wake. After our first go, I realized just how much territory, literal and figurative, we had to cover if we ever hoped to do what we intended with this project. And yes, I've started saying "we" rather than "I" as this documentary ceased to be my personal mission over the course of our first four months in North America. Most of the crew from that first jaunt returned with me while several additions to our team came on board out of their own interest or my urging. Even my wife Janet insisted on coming with me, though I begged her to reconsider. As we learned on our first trip, America can be a very dangerous place.

Special Guest Horoscopes: The Juke Box at Tony's

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

Though there's nothing mystical or overtly supernatural about the jukebox at Tony's, the favorite after-work bar for all Zen Ramblings employees, many of us have noted its tendency to play meaningful songs at just the right time. It helped Ed in accounting rebuild his marriage and it gave Katie the inspiration to pursue her current job as a PR rep after a solid year as a coffee-fetching intern. That's why we've decided to give Tony's juke the horoscopes this week, at least partially. Let lyrics guide you.

The Crow's To Do List

Autumn is here. Not just because the calendars say so but because it's really, really autumn. A bit chilly. Overcast. Leaves. My time of year. There's so, so much to do, it's a bit overwhelming. I hope I can get it all in before it's time to head south, or maybe west enough to not need south. I'll have to spend a lot of time away from the murder if I want to remain on schedule. They won't like that. Not enough gossip to go around, I guess. They'll have to do without me, at least for now.

Special Guest Horoscopes: Zerb the Alien

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

It's not often that we readers of the stars get to interact with someone who actually lives among them. Dr. Zerblgx M'gshmanik (Zerb to his friends) is an extraterrestrial explorer and researcher who is visiting the Sol system to gather data about what he claims are "intriguing" ice formations on Europa. He was a bit disappointed to not be the first alien to visit the Zen Ramblings office, but he was willing to indulge our request that he read the week's horoscopes. Zerb insisted on reading the zodiac of his own world, so enjoy a break from the status quo as he provides his insight into the five star signs of Ygrevak.

Alien Field Report: Bank Robbed By Several Christopher Walkens

Police Hearing

Bank Robbery

Baltimore, MD

Human Year 1998 (third iteration thereof)

Suspected Lurxan Disturbance

Earth Project Oversight Committee

On the morning of March 11th at approximately 11:15 AM, five individuals entered the First National Bank on 8th Street in Baltimore, Maryland on the Earth Project sector of North America. They had a brief exchange of words with the tellers and then exited the premises with an estimated $235,000.00 in cash and bonds. This is a recording of the presiding detective interviewing one of those tellers.

Special Guest Horoscopes: Our Sapience-Granting Refrigerator

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

Though we've been ignoring it a long time, a lot of us at the Zen Ramblings office have suspected that the refrigerator in the break room was a little unusual. At first we assumed it was haunted but two Ouija-aided seances and one overpriced demonologist later, it was clear that some other force was at work in our communal kitchen appliance. Upon further examination, we discovered that any item that spent more than three hours in the fridge attains sapience, that special state of intellectual self-awareness unique to only the most advanced creatures in our world. This is what our ice box had to say about this week's strands of destiny.

Concerning the Incident Last Week When I Forced Our Sisters to Knife-Fight

It is highly unlikely that you have forgotten the unfortunate circumstances involving our respective sisters this Tuesday last. After no small amount of contemplation, I felt it would be only proper to address this issue as a gentleman. Make no mistake, this letter in no way means that I accept total responsibility for what came to pass. This is as much a document to prove my amicability in a court of law, should it come to that, as a gesture to you, my neighbor. However, I will not insult your intelligence and attempt to draw this out by explaining those details that I am sure you have uncovered yourself. To avoid any undue confusion, I will admit this one fact:

Special Guest Horoscopes: Saffron Lilypad

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

We've known Miss Saffron Lilypad (Saffi to her friends) for several years now. Every two weeks since April 2006 she has delivered a box of fresh produce, flowers and sometimes woodland creatures to our office from her home garden. Saffi is a certified organic professional and granola magically appears wherever she walks. We've been begging her to read the horoscopes for us for a long time now and she has only now decided to indulge us.

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