August 2010

Special Guest Horoscopes: Yu'Shok, Freelance Barbarian

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

Last week one of the interns at the Zen Ramblings office noticed that we were experiencing a slight goblin infestation in our supply closet. The little pests were wasting our sticky notes, eating our year's supply of Funyuns and occasionally mugging passers by. When all attempts to clear out the goblins ourselves failed, we turned to the Internet for help. One quick Yelp search brought up the savior of our workspace, a freelance barbarian named Yu'Shok. He arrived clad in a leather loincloth, gripping a massive battleaxe stained with various kinds of organic material. After he made short (and messy) work of our little, green inconveniences, we asked him to stick around and read this week's charts.

An Old Fashioned Girl

August 1964 was brutal. I'd say I don't know why it sticks out in my memory, but that'd be a lie. My cousin Phillip, bird-brained kid that he was, went and got himself shot over in Vietnam. 17 years old and eager enough to leave home to lie about his age. I was in Richmond helping the cigarette people update their phone system. It was a mess, some glorified closet full of girls at switchboards barely able to see from all the smoke. My first recommendation was "ventilation". I never smoked myself (a topic I skirted during that entire gig) and I've always hated to see a pretty girl puffing away. Some folks think it's alluring, but me, I think it takes away some of the magic. I guess it's because you already know how she's gonna smell. That's why the girl at the hotel bar that last rainy Thursday night caught my eye. It was a room full of flaming tobacco but she hadn't lit up all night. After an hour of nursing this and that, I drank my last ounce of courage, picked up my suitcase and grabbed the seat next to her.

Special Guest Horoscopes: Norman Grivvel, Con Artist

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

We caught Norman Grivvel trying to walk out of the Zen Ramblings office with a dozen jelly doughnuts and a laptop computer that definitely weren't his. He had gained entry to the building using an ID card stolen from one of our shipping and receiving people then posed as a health inspector when he got to the break room (the site of the doughnut theft). If it weren't for the tattle-tale ghost who lives in our walls we might have never apprehended Norman. Rather than press charges, we compelled Mr. Grivvel to read this week's horoscopes and to try to be a more honest person in the future.

America Wakes: Part Thirteen- Home

Chapters

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Just four months into the making of this film, the funding for our first year of research and photography ran out. Part of that was my fault. I had been a bit too optimistic about how far we could stretch each Euro because I wanted so badly to get this project off the ground. The rest of the extraneous spending came from unexpected costs. Pricey hotel rooms, exorbitant taxi cab fares, unmarked tolls, bribes, taxes, equipment registration. Key lime pie. Even with my tiny crew the idea of taking on the entire former United States in one go seems, well, naive. Reluctantly, we packed up all the footage and equipment we hadn't already mailed back to England and boarded a plane for home.

Advice From Vivica Browning, Zombie Hunter

Because the Zen Ramblings Zodiac Squad's astrolabe is on the fritz, we've decided to allow the individual slated to be this week's guest horoscope reader to lavish our readers with some practical advice in her area of expertise. Worry not, we'll be back to presenting a weekly analysis of the stars in eight days' time. For now, we're handing over the floor to one of America's leading zombie survival experts, Ms. Vivica Browning of the Smith-Binder Walking Dead Response Corporation.

America Wakes: Part Twelve- Steven Merrill

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11

 

Steven Merrill is currently the leader of the Associated Restaurant Workers Union in the territory known as the Northwest Alliance, formerly referred to as the Great Lakes States. The Northwest Alliance is currently the most cohesive, nation-like region in the Federation of Free States, owing mostly to the economic and population dominance of the city of Chicago. Mr. Merrill has been fighting for over ten years now to consolidate the five most powerful labor unions in the Federation into one governmental entity, though he is meeting with stern opposition. We caught up with him on what has been a two-year stint on the road promoting his initiative.

Special Guest Horoscopes: General Butch Reamer (ret)

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

We met retired US Army General Butch Reamer bright and early at 8:00 AM... ahem, that is, oh-eight-hundred, so he could read this week's charts. He expressed an interest in the art of the horoscope not because he considers himself a believer in the ways of the stars but because he is willing to explore the possibilities inherent to any new information that might provide a tactical advantage in life. This is what the General had to say about the battle plan of the planets.

America Wakes Part Eleven: Nate Crowe

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9        10

 

Nathan Crowe, who insisted we call him "Nate", is a freight driver with the Denver Woodwork Company. We hadn't scheduled a meeting with him but we struck up a conversation at a fuel station in the outskirts of Chicago and he had plenty of interesting things to tell us about life in the Federation of Free States.

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