June 2010

Special Guest Horoscopes: Johnny Sobriesque

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

When we received a call at the Zen Ramblings Zodiac Squad office from Bert Nieman, a powerful Hollywood agent, we didn't know quite what to make of it. He told us that his top-earning client, movie superstar Johnny Sobriesque, was in the middle of doing research for his next role as a wise-cracking psychic named Bobby Bizarro in a film of the same name. Mr. Sobriesque decided it would be good practice to learn various kinds of divination methods, including tarot, palm reading and, of course, the art of the horoscope. We decided to give Johnny a shot in exchange for free tickets to the Bobby Bizarro premiere, slated for Summer 2012.

Explosion Appreciation Cycle at Zecron Sector Orbital Labs

***BEGIN TRANSMISSION***

This holo-memo has been delivered to your work station, Employee Resident #6850-D, because you are one of 38 Employee Residents whose living quarters have been re-appropriated by Core Control as an accelerant storage facility in preparation for the upcoming Federation of Alpha Centauri Satellites and Fusion Stations Explosion Appreciation Cycle. We apologize for the inconvenience and assure you that, with proper respiration assistance equipment and a reduced-price dose of sleep supplements, use of your living quarters for regular rest should not be an issue. Our records show that you have spent exactly 37.89% of your designated rest hours during the past Employee Resident monitored review period in the living quarters of Employee Resident #7157-J. Please note that if the recent re-appropriation of your quarters compels you to increase this percentage, you will be required to attain a partial cohabitation permit prior to achieving 45% co-sleep.

Special Guest Horoscopes: Death

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

There's really only one way to introduce today's guest. As the saying goes, everyone meets him eventually. Whether it's by the natural course of things, accident or intention, well... everyone's gotta go some time. When he walked into the Zen Ramblings Zodiac Squad office it was to claim the soul of our beloved pet parrot Reginald. He was dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a form-fitting, short sleeve t-shirt with a faded print of a surf shop in Pismo Beach. "Don't mind me," he said, "Just getting a little work done before lunch." Though saddened by the loss of Reginald, we implored our visitor to spend his lunch break giving us his take on the week's horoscopes. A surprisingly gracious fellow, Death obliged.

Special Guest Horoscopes: "Chill" Dave Burbank

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

One sunny day while walking along the beach en mass, as we in the Zen Ramblings Zodiac Squad are wont to do, we struck up a conversation with a local surfing legend named Dave Burbank, Chill Dave to his friends. We soon discovered that Chill Dave earned his nickname by being the most laid-back person to ever live. Dave takes everything in stride, from the smallest annoyance to the biggest disaster. That's why we were so interested in hearing his take on the week's horoscopes. Sometimes it's nice just to have a relaxed point of view on fate.

America Wakes: Part Three- Thurgood and Will Harrison

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Thurgood Harrison worked as a security guard in the US Capitol Building during the last days of the union. His grandson, Will, has been writing a book about the Transition. Both are here today to discuss the environment of the Congress just prior to and during the Transition. A massive stroke last January left Thurgood mostly unable to speak, so Will is here to tell his grandfather's story and, when necessary, to interpret for him.

 

As far as all the stories go, and I have collected a lot of them in the past couple years, nobody ever really talked about cessation. America wasn't the problem according to both sides, it was the other side that needed to be fixed. One side would say their opponents were "un-American" and then the other would say their opponents were inciting hate. It wasn't a fight so much as a stalemate.

Special Guest Horoscopes: Vladimir Davidovich

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

Vladimir Davidovich is the first guest reader to contact us instead of the other way around. He did so through a complicated series of intermediaries, including a carrier pigeon, a masked associate carrying a microfiche and a coded message found on said microfiche. Apparently for the past twenty years Vladimir has been living in Brazil or possibly Thailand, so he was uncertain of whether or not it was safe for him to visit us at the Zen Ramblings office in America. After a fair amount of convincing, Mr. Davidovich decided to have a quick meeting under cover of darkness where he delivered his reading of the week's horoscopes along with a fairly powerful bottle of vodka.

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