January 2010

Little Rena and Fire Truck 38

Were I to select from among Truck 38’s shortcomings to procure the most tragic among them, my discerning hand would likely select its sloth. Herr Johnson’s house, or what remains of it, is a paltry 2.7 kilometers from the municipal fire station. 5 minutes is hardly an acceptable response time. I chose this particular hour to test you, Truck 38, in order to take advantage of the brief congestion on our main thoroughfares created by the end of the traditional school day. Well, you failed, Truck 38. Perhaps you should have planned an alternate route to compensate for said traffic.

L'il Philosophers: Friedrich Nietzsche, Age 7 1/2

"Where has Coach Mueller gone?" Mark the team captain cried. Well, I shall tell you.  We have fired him, you and I. We have forced him to quit the kickball team. But how have we done this? How were we able to take dominion over the Rockin' Wildcats? With what great sword have we cleaved the referee's whistle from around his neck? By which cunning device have we taken what has always been and always shall be bought, earned by our efforts on the field of play? With Coach Mueller disappeared from our presence and the payroll of the Parent Teacher Association, is there even a Rockin' Wildcats any longer? Do we not still introduce the bouncy, red ball to the sides of our feet? Do we not still run from base to base, dodging tags and sliding into home? Coaches, too, abandon the game. Coaches cease to run the plays, arrange the kicking lineup, assign the field positions. Coach Mueller is terminated, remains terminated. And we fired him.

L'il Philosophers: Rene Descartes, Age 10

Mr. Descartes,

While we here at Indre-et-Loire Elementary pride ourselves in the dedication of our teaching and administrative faculty to excellence in education and do not feel that any of our students are incapable of achieving superior academic performance, we feel that some of young Rennie's classroom behavior and overall exam results have become cause for concern. We do not mean to sound alarming, as no doubt your son is a gifted young man with all the potential of his fellow students, though if such patterns are not addressed and corrected at an early age they may very well persist into adulthood when they would be less simple to dismiss. Please take the following evaluation not as a sentence of judgment against Rennie but as a clear, concise to-do list concerning his continued development as a student and a member of society as a whole.

L'il Philosophers: Ayn Rand, Age 8

The conditions in the Little Birds Daycare Center weigh on the spirit of the individual like a great whetstone against which the weak and unambitious masters of the world at large sharpen the ever-duller knife of their slow tyranny. This is not to say that the water from the faucets does not run warm, for it does, and it is not to suggest that the snack time animal crackers are not as sweet as they could be. No, I do not suggest anything, reader. I make my stand in words, in thought and in glorious action against the emptiness and worthlessness of this foul institution with steady conviction and no apprehension.