Special Guest Horoscopes: Miss Jericho

The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

We could only convince Miss Natalie Jericho of the Little Blossoms Preschool to read the horoscopes for us this week after we proved we could recite our ABC's and could tell her three reasons why it's a good thing to share with our friends. For the record: 1. It makes us feel good, 2. It encourages our friends to share with us, and 3. No economy, from the smallest local exchange to the largest international trade agreement, could function properly without a baseline of trust established by a willingness to share. Here's Miss Jericho's take on this week's charts.

Aquarius

So... so tired. 24 children, all under the age of 5. I'm gonna try my best. You should, too. Even when you're tired, you have to give it your all.

Pisces

You know what they say, if the shoe fits... well, just remember to make sure the shoe's on the correct foot before you make any major decisions. I see people make that mistake all the time.

Aries

It's the little things that make a difference in life. For example, regular animal crackers vs. frosted animal crackers. I've seen violence break out over this. The weird part? I totally understand when it does.

Taurus

You ever really listen to the lyrics of "Ring Around the Rosie"? That's some demented stuff. Make sure to pay attention to the details this week or you might end up making light of a tragic plague.

Gemini

If I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that the only way to make someone stop doing something they shouldn't do is to tell them to stop over and over and over until they listen. Be persistent this week, even if you end up looking like a crazy person.

Cancer

Use the next few days to bask in the perfections of everyday life. For example, the circle. Try making people sit in the shape of a square and you'll see just how perfect circles truly are.

Leo

In your new endeavors, remember that it's not always what you sing, but how you sing. In related news, I'll kill the next person who sings "The Wheels on the Bus".

Virgo

Billy Chambers is a sweetheart. His mother is a raging bitch. Use your better judgment to avoid punishing people for their origins.

Libra

A good career is a balance of freedom and conformity. My class is full of kids who have a blast coloring outside the lines but they'll have to shake that habit if any of them want to do graphic design in twenty years.

Scorpio

Be honest with yourself. You aren't too old for nap time. You're never too old for nap time.

Sagittarius

Some of your friends may call you a metrosexual, but just like Nate Meyer who's happy to play Barbies with the girls, you've figured out what works. Run with it.

Capricorn

Hand sanitizer. If you learn nothing else today, come away with an appreciation for hand sanitizer. Don't skimp, either. A few extra dollars goes a long way to warding off a lot of unpleasantness.