The stars don't need trained professionals to read them. Fate has been moving since before humans appeared in this world and it will work its wonders after we've gone. That's why we like to invite new people to our humble blog to read the weekly horoscopes from a fresh perspective.

Today, we would like to welcome Wyoming's own classic rawhide cattle rancher, Bill Waylin (Cowboy to his friends). Cowboy Bill has been getting little doggies along since 1983, though as he's quick to remind folks, he's been twirling lassos and living on the trail since he was just a toddling poke. Word has it that ol' Cowboy knows a thing or two about the stars, seeing as he's spent so much time gazing up at them on those peaceful nights up in the rolling Wyoming hills with as many head of cattle as he could rightly handle. Here's what he has to say about this week's horoscopes.

Aquarius

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm much obliged to them kind folks at the Zen Ramblings for lettin' me give a bit of wisdom straight from the salt of the earth. Mighty kind of y'all. Next, 'cuz I'm a straight shooter, I gotta say that all you Aquarius folk are in for a spell of trouble. Keep yer heads down and let the good Lord guide you.

 

Pisces

Most rodeo folk are good and true, but some'll tell you lies just for the fun of it. Don't listen to no roughneck this week who'll say the bronco won't buck. Sure as sunrise, it will.

 

Aries

My pappy always used to say that only a plum fool starts a bar fight, but there ain't no shame in usin' yer fists to set straight the fella who did.

 

Taurus

Don't forget the simple things. It's as important to know how to cook a decent pot of beans as it is to be able to shoot a fox what got on yer property.

 

Gemini

Round about '92 I had to go to New York City to testify agin some slicker what said my beef was tainted. Never much cared for the big city, but I made it through just fine. You'd best be prepared to do the same come this week's unpleasant affairs.

 

Cancer

You do the right thing and marry that girl. Yer momma raised you better'n that.

 

Leo

My cousin Dale didn't much care for that Brokeback Mountain movie, but I done learned to tolerate what them boys did on account of that Heath Ledger bein' so damn good at the acting. I reckon it's time for you ta open yer mind likewise.

 

Virgo

I seen the drink claim more good men than the trail in winter and hunting accidents combined. Do yerself a favor and lay off the hard stuff for a spell.

 

Libra

When a beef cow gets spooked, actin' all angry ain't gonna do nothin' but make things worse. Y'all gotta learn to stay calm when yer own bulls get antsy.

 

Scorpio

Don't let no one tell you what you can and can't do. The only true test of a man's talents is between him, the trail and God almighty.

 

Sagittarius

This week, name somethin' after someone who ain't among the living no more. It'll do 'em honor.

 

Capricorn

My momma used to make these fruit preserves'd knock ya out yer boots. That's how I learned you got to hold on t'the sweet things long as ya can.