Chapters
Some things you grow up hearing about but you never really feel like they're real. The surface of another planet, the center of a volcano, the bottom of the ocean. Fort Knox. And just like the first guy who walks on Mars is gonna think to himself, "Just looks like Texas" I didn't think much of that government building in Kentucky when I saw it. Truth is, it looked more like the prison to me than anything. Link and I lay on our bellies behind this hill near the wall while his pet stoic climbed up to a ledge. It was around dusk. I had some of its hair in my teeth from when we shaved its head. Link didn't tell me why, just that it was important. Come nightfall, we'd be on our way in.
I kinda felt bad about shaving the hair off. It felt like taking the frame off a picture. Sure, it was still pretty, but something was missing. I got to thinking about all those clients of ours who painted their domestics up like high-class hookers, made them wear stupid outfits just to be sexy. Our whole country, hell our whole world is built on people getting paid by folks they can't stand. I guess that's why I agreed to do this thing.
The first part of the plan went off without a hitch. Come dark, the flood lights went up. Link's pet did its thing and shorted one of them out for a few seconds while we got to the wall. I'm sure some guard asked his buddy to check to make sure the light was okay. Seeing as it was, at least after we got done with it, he probably wandered back to his chair. That was the genius of Link's plan. See, nobody actually tries to steal from Fort Knox. The guards there have got to be so damn bored they stopped paying attention years ago. The stoic used that bed sheet to lift us over the wall and we didn't run into any trouble.
Link's big secret was one of those dollar coins the government tried to get us to use a few years back. Now, they don't have any real gold in them, but naked stoic lesbians are all about imagination anyway. All Link needed to do was put one of those Sacagawea dollars in his pet's mouth and it sniffed out the real stuff with no problem. One of the things the movies all get wrong is they have the crooks go after the big gold bars, which is stupid. Those things are damn heavy and they clank around like crazy. Once the stoic subdued the guards and killed the cameras, it got us into the vault in about five minutes where we went straight for the cards. See, a lot of the gold in Fort Knox is in these credit card sized bars of bullion that you can just lift out in a case. Ya know, if you ever had a mind to do something like that. Well, we did and it was so easy I didn't believe we actually pulled it off.
What bugged me for so long after that night is I didn't know who shot me. Going over the hill where we'd started the night, an alarm went off and a few seconds later I caught a round right in the calf. I didn't pay attention to where the shot came from, and you wouldn't either if you had pain like that. I rolled down the hill and hit my head on a rock. As I was blacking out, I saw Link staring down at me with the two cases in his hands. "Sorry, Sonny," was all he said, then he ran off. I guess he tried to get his pet to come with him, but it just hung back, sniffing at my wound, making those clicking sounds. When I came to I was being carried away from the hill and there were a bunch of bodies all over the place. Poor boys didn't know when they enlisted that they'd have to deal with something like a naked stoic lesbian. Beats getting blown up in a desert, I guess.
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